If you’ve been looking forward to pairing your lips with mine, don’t hold your breath. I have no intentions of getting anywhere near that close to you, and a kiss is out of the question. I’d rather kiss a frog, and here’s ten reasons why.
- Bad Breath – Your halitosis is unbearable, even from a distance. I can’t handle looking you in the face when you speak. I most certainly wouldn’t want you to bring that breath any closer to my nose. Toothpaste and mouthwash can be your friends. Introduce yourself.
- Whiskers – Frogs, unlike you, have nice smooth faces. No mustache, no beard and no stubble. I like my kisses smooth and soft, not rough and scratchy.
- That Smile – Have you ever smiled in front of a mirror? Those teeth look like crooked fenceposts, both in coloring and in their alignment. No such issues in a froggy smile.
- Wrong Impression – If I kissed a frog, I’m sure they’d hop on down to the next lily pad without another thought. I’m afraid you might take a kiss to mean that you could expect to see more of me in the future, and that isn’t happening.
- Strong Cologne – My eyes were burning, all the way across the table, from your high-powered cologne. The last thing I want to do is get in the middle of that scent cloud and go home smelling like that myself.
- Body Odor – Frogs are regular bathers. I’m convinced that this is not one of your daily habits. Getting close enough to you to give you a kiss, just might make me gag.
- Octopus Hands – Frogs can be a bit clingy, I’ll give you that, but their reach isn’t near as long as yours. You tend to have your hands all over me, which is more real estate than I care to share with you at the moment.
- No Prince Charming – It is rumored that some frogs turn into princes when they are kissed. Those are not the rumors I have heard about your transformation from other girls who have kissed you. We’ll leave it at that.
- Cold Sores – It seems that you always have one of those on your lips. Makes me a little nervous about getting too close. I’m thinking the frog kiss would be less dangerous for my health.
- Bragging Rights – I’ve heard you tell your stories of ‘conquest’ before. I’m not about to let you have even the least bit of bragging rights, when it comes to interaction with me. Frogs at least know how to keep tales to themselves.
If those ten reasons aren’t enough for you, I’d be happy to give a few more. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be down at the pond, smooching on some frogs.
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